Sticking to the script - a university presentation
In school, for me at least, presentations were very low-stakes affairs; you could squirm your way through them with a few giggles and a lot of reading directly off slides.
At university, they started to grow in importance. During my first degree (biochemistry), one presentation that stands out in my memory for all the wrong reasons is a talk I gave on the Ebola virus. Everyone in the cohort had been dished out their respective topics, and I had arguably landed the most interesting (and certainly most topical) one.
Our assignment was to go away and research the topic for a few weeks, then bring it to life for our peers via a presentation. In hindsight, this was as much an exercise in presenting information as it was about collating and distilling the wealth of scientific research around our given area. With no barometer for how to give a good presentation, I made the mistake many of us make when starting out - I wrote a script.
Packed with Ebola facts, summarised academic studies, and scary statistics, my script would have made a decent essay. Accompanied by unsettling images of the worm-like Ebola virus and of its effects on the human body, I was ready for action! Well, after I'd memorised verbatim my ~10-minute script, that is.
I arrived on the day - I wouldn't say "confident", but I was content that I at least had a solid script and presentation deck to lean on. I found my seat and started to sit through my peers' presentations - which were of varying quality - but I was nevertheless jealous of everyone who had gotten theirs out of the way so early. "Our next speaker is Kieran Ryan, presenting on the structure and pathology of the Ebola virus" - applause. My heart sinks. It's ok - I have my script, I tell myself. I stand, but I want to hide. I open the deck pre-loaded on the professor's laptop.
For the next few minutes I'm on autopilot, delivering the script I had rehearsed countless times and clicking through my slides. At one point, I stray off my script to include an interesting point I'd learned during my research - the one and only spontaneous part of my talk. Okay now back to the script... The script... Where was I..? Oh yes, it was- no that's not it... Erm... My wander into uncharted territory had gotten me lost. I felt the cringe rise up and consume the room with each passing second of silence, everyone waiting with bated breath for me to pick up my thread; my awareness of that fact preventing me from ever doing so.
The memory of the day fades after that point - I think I took out a paper copy of my script and eventually picked up my place and stumbled to the finish line. I probably even answered one or two questions from the audience. From an audience perspective, aside from a couple of slightly uncomfortable minutes, it probably wasn't that horrendous; I certainly doubt any of them remember it now, almost 10 years later. But I do. The humiliating terror of a bad presentation sticks with us. And maybe that's a good thing.
Table Topics - my first Toastmasters session
Fast-forward a couple of years, I'd gotten through my Masters degree with no public speaking. I was working at the University of Cambridge - in a small position but at a prestigious research facility - surrounded by incredible scientists who would give fascinating talks each week (of which I would understand about 25%). Inspired by their speaking abilities, I looked online and discovered Toastmasters, the global public speaking organisation, and registered for my first session at a local club.
I arrived at the Royal Cambridge Hotel and found a welcoming group of - as expected - highly academic and smart people, many of them giving prepared speeches that evening. I felt a little out of my depth, but I was proud of myself for attending - in itself a small action against my public speaking fears. Partway through, a friendly lady approached me and asked if I was a first timer, taking my name, and gently asking whether I would like to be added to the list of 'table topics' speakers. She explained that table topics was a section of the evening in which people would be called upon at random to speak for 2 minutes on a topic they'd be given on the spot. Sounds disgusting, I thought, while nodding and saying "ok, sure". I knew I would have kicked myself if I had visited and didn't speak.
I didn't enjoy the next 30 minutes of speeches - the speakers all excellent in their own ways. I knew what was coming. The evening's Toastmaster announced the onset of the Table Topics round, and fear started to grip me. 2 minutes is a long time, in front of all these people, and what am I even going to talk about? "So without further ado, our first speaker is... [not my name]" - I loosen my grip on my thighs and exhale. "And your topic is: "Does bad luck exist?" ". Thank GOD that wasn't me, what would I even have said about that? It's a yes or no question... The speaker didn't treat it as a yes or no question, he first repeated the question pensively, then began to think out loud - "well I suppose... but then again... and I'm reminded of a time when..." he led the room on an interesting stream of consciousness and easily filled his 2 minutes. Applause.
"Our next speaker is... [not my name]" - the white-hot anxiety abates slightly and my breathing resumes. I smile and join in the applause, hiding the internal chaos. Another tough table topic well-handled. I start to notice that the table topic and what the person actually speaks about always end up entirely different. The topic is the starting point, but not the destination. The objective isn't to "correctly" discuss the topic; the objective is to start from the topic and speak for 2 minutes. Just speak. Applause.
"Our next speaker is... Kieran Ryan" -terror- "to talk about... Time."
My body stands up and walks to the front. I try to emulate what I saw others successfully do before me by repeating the topic: "Time, hmm..." 2 seconds down, only 118 to go. I'm out of weapons in my arsenal, what now? "Well..." I waver and start to feel myself losing the audience. "I never feel like I have enough time", I blurt out. Some generous titters from the audience. "But then again, what is enough time?" Oh god, what am I doing, getting philosophical?? "No matter how much time we were given, it would never be enough, we would always want more." Awkward eye contact with the oldest gentleman in the room - sorry about that. "I suppose the fact that our time is limited is what gives our lives meaning." I start to run out of road, partly because my mind is roasting me for turning into Plato up here. "So... that's what I have to say about time". I give a quick closed-lip smile and hurry back to my seat, met with the same applause everybody else got. It feels... good. A relief. I later learn I had spoken for 33 seconds. Far less than the assigned 2 minutes. I had been in such a rush to get out of the limelight. An achievement nonetheless, but I had a long way to go.
Making progress: a proper stab at public speaking
Although I didn't return to Toastmasters for a few years, I did make a career move from scientific research into technology consulting. Public speaking skills are arguably equally necessary in both fields, but I certainly found myself called upon more in the business setting. It is a necessary part of sharing information, explaining a new initiative or project, articulating an ask to a big team, aligning and motivating a workforce towards a collective vision. You simply cannot avoid it and still hope to reach any level of seniority or prominence in your field.
During my three year technology consulting grad program, I made a personal vow to take every speaking opportunity that came my way. Going a step further, I reached out to our team's Partner and proposed a Toastmasters-esque internal club which came to be fondly known as the Tech Speakers Club. The idea was to give people the opportunity to willingly expose themselves to the nerves in a simulated and safe environment, building confidence and skills along the way. We had prepared talks, a table topics round, and even guest judges more senior than ourselves to add to the fear factor and give actionable feedback.
After three years I was starting to get used to public speaking - especially through the medium of MS Teams, which, despite all its little technical hitches, still certainly diminishes the fear a little.
I moved to a new company and used their generous Personal Enrichment Credit to fund an intensive public speaking course with School of Connection. This course had us focus on breathing, volume, body language, movement on stage, tonal variety, eye contact, and more - all certainly useful. But beyond the tools and devices, most useful for me was the relentless exposure therapy - getting us up speaking at the front multiple times each session for increasingly demanding assignments.
Another unanticipated benefit of that course was the fantastic people I met - each of them tenacious and ambitious enough to pay to put themselves through something as unpleasant as public speaking practice, yet humble enough to stay the course and truly improve. One girl struggled on the first session to even introduce herself, but improved massively as the weeks went by, which everyone was thrilled to see.
If I can summarise the change to my public speaking game the course gave me, it was that I now see every presentation as an opportunity to land my key messages rather than something to rush in order to escape the limelight.
Key takeaways
If, like me, you detest public speaking and try to avoid it or get it over with, you really have two options:
- Stunt your career and restrict the gifts you are ultimately able to share with the world.
- Be brave enough to suck at public speaking and yet pursue it anyway. Embrace the cringe, stand in the cringe, breathe through the cringe.
Assuming you choose option 2, remember:
- Avoid scripts - stick with key messages
- The audience wants you to do well - exactly as you feel when you see someone else give a presentation.
- Speaking opportunities come up somewhat infrequently. Treat each one as an opportunity to raise your profile and to successfully land your key messages with the audience.
- There are communities out there (Toastmasters, School of Connection and others) specifically targeted at helping people of any ability improve at this crucial skill.
- Conquering your fear of public speaking is not only a chance to become successful, it is a chance to win self-respect.
- It only gets easier and easier with every brave step you take.
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